I agree with many of the above comments, mostly the strike while the guilt is fresh perspective.
I drew up a budget for the current household and a separate one for what I estimated my Hs expenses would be, plus a very simple separation agreement (it's for the next two years, I'm not sure he noticed that when he signed) that says the kids will live with me, our financial arrangments will remain as they are (his cheque going into the joint account, I have already set up a separate account and my pay goes into that - he doesn't know about that), that I will pay the bills for the main household and transfer a prearranged amount of money into Hs separate account twice a month for his bills.
I know he was surprised when he saw how much money it will take to keep two households going at our current standard - there's going to be a lot of cutting back if he moves out.
We have already agreed that he can see the kids as often as he wishes, but I included in the agreement that he must let me know ahead of time if he's coming over. He asked if he could come for dinner every night (to keep the grocery expenses down - considerate, hey?). I said we could do that for a little while, during the transition period, but after that, it would be sending a false message to the kids. He accepted it, but looked very sad.
That may be a boundary you can use around the bedtime thing.
