I can certainly relate to the vacuum incident. I used to feel that sense of anxiety when I had to deal with any kind of issue like that. I remember when our air conditioning broke down last summer, she came downstairs and got all snarky because I had just opened the windows, I informed her that the AC was down and she replied "Oh, and how did that happen?" I said "I have no idea, I just discovered it now" she says "so how much will this cost" I again, "I have no idea" and she says "do you have any ideas about anything?" Somehow, I should also be the AC expert You just become whipping boy for anything that comes up so you start becoming anxious when any little thing goes wrong!
As far as friends, I have a number of really good friends too. While dealing with this M problem I made sure I built and maintained a support network outside of the home. I am trying to push myself to call more on people when I need a shoulder to cry on, it's a work in progress!
I had dinner with my Dad last night and discussed these "rejection" feelings I'm having, he's also a good friend as well as my Dad. He told me that people don't intend to be uncaring they just get caught up in their own world and become less aware of others feelings. He also said that after the hurt that I've been dealing with it is pretty natural to have strong reactions to situations where you feel even slightly let down. He told me that he could understand how the Coffee Buddy hurt keeps coming back so intensely now and then, "she's been a support to you for over two years and now she's gone too" He told me that he would share his thoughts on CB because he never had done so with me before (he has met her). He said "Son, I think this woman cares deeply for you, despite what you are seeing and feeling right now. This friendship went further than she ever expected and now she's overwhelmed, she doesn't know what to do. She just knows she can't spend time with you right now. You need to do what you are doing and continue to respect her space, allow yourself to feel the hurt when it comes up and carry on" I tend to get all worked up when these strong feelings come over me about this or any other situation because it's not the norm. My therapist said ages ago "Whatis you handle this stuff so well that once in a while when something pops up that you don't expect you feel a sense of panic" It's true, I start to devalue my right to feel strongly about anything because, in my mind, I should be handling it! I once told CB that because of what I do for a living I have this somewhat unreasonable belief that I should be iron man, she said "Whatis, you're just a person, like the rest of us, dealing with a painful life situation and doing the best you can with what you've got"
So that's my update for today. I'm off to W's house now to celebrate D13's 14 th BD! Later guys \:\)

Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White