First, let me say that you are doing a lot of things very well, such as avoiding relationship talk, supporting your daughter, giving space, etc. All of these are great.
Here is what you need to do less of: Pursuing. No more letters. No more invitations to join you at the prayer group. Give her even more space.
Now, what's next? It's time for the next step. It's time to work on Jay. It's time for you to step-up and improve yourself. What kinds of activities are you involved in? Groups? Classes? Clubs? You mentioned a prayer group. Great, keep that one going. But add some more stuff. Make changes that wife and others notice. Noting large and drastic. Just.... improve.
And you are not failing your daughter. You are, and need to continue to be, the moral compass of the family. Be the beacon of all that is good about a family.
You are doing well. This DBing stuff is very difficult. Keep posting here. We are here to help you.
