I agree. The thing about the pastor and the men’s group kills me. If your business is compassion, then you really need to reach out and keep a ken ear tuned to it, and bump it up on your precedence list. Was your W. also unpredictable in terms of what set her off? Just when you have the answer, the problem set changes? I know what you’re saying about “trying to understand”. Some of our mutual friends actually told me that I had all the symptoms of an abused spouse, and that I had bent and twisted, changed and morphed so much, that I had lost my identity.
Here’s a case in point. In June of 06 before we separated, I was vacuuming the house. I accidently broke the vacuum, and actually panicked because I knew she would be filled with anger over me accidentally breaking the vacuum. Like a 12 year old, I put the plastic pieces in place, and put it away so she would actually think she broke it. She would have flown into a rage if I told her I broke it, and this would have been stored along with all my other “incompetencies”, even thought it was an accident, and I was trying to be helpful. It wasn’t always this way, it just slowly got there. I have a million of those stories.
Your W. strikes me a lot like that. I think you’re doing about as well as anyone could. Really admirable. Most people underestimate how hard this can be on men. How’s your friend situation? That’s a real positive for me being here. I have some incredible friends, but that will dry up when I return home!
