Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing Part 2

[mcol]

Ok,

Sorry it has been a couple of days since my last post. Quick update. W surgery went well and she has been a slight bit more friendly to me since.

However, my stupid self tried to talk future with her yesterday and I got the Heisman. She said that she just wanted to live today and could not focus on the future.

I think I have had a mental regeneration. I have to continue to remind myself that their is nothing that I can do to fix the future. I have to worry about myself and the areas I can change about me now. I need to focus on my kids and some of the more tangible things like...a job for one. Even living arrangements are up in the air because I just don't know what I don't know.

Oh well...I am just thankful the surgery went ok. She has to be out of work this week so I offered to help her with the bills she sees as her own. I felt really wierd about thinking I needed to give her permission to cover her bills with my money since I have been doing it for so long. I mentioned that I did not want to feel awkward about money and she said she did not either.

I had a quick flashback this morning that I thought was interesting. After W became pregnant with our third child (over two years ago) I mentioned having a vasectomy and she said that I shouldn't because if something happened to her and I got married again then I would not have the ability to have more children. At the time, I was not even thinking about this ever being a possibility and quite honestly I do not want any more children or to be with another woman but I realize that I must not take that off the plate now.

Anyway...hope all is well.