Well..havent posted update due to just being pretty down lately. That friday night, i didnt get to go to the prayer meeting since I took D out that night for some dad and daughter night out. Had alot of fun with her but the whole time felt half of us was missing and felt a bit empty. Still, tho managed to have fun and show D a good time. She loved it. Called her and she called back and said she was walking around the neighborhood of her new apartment. I said, ok and have fun and take care of herself. Then going back home I called to see where she was and she was in a restaurant near her new apt and I wondered if she was alone or with OM. I asked if she needed a ride and she said yes and I picked her up. Didnt see OM there but dunno. In any case, was nice to her that night and no big arguments.
Since then, things have been up and down. I started to leave her alone and didnt bug her at night with a "talk" and even as I knew she was chatting with OM online, I just went to my D's room to put my D to sleep and stayed there. Then one saturday, when I asked her if she would like to watch a TV with me, she didnt want to and said "I broke up with him so you dont have to worry about that OK" I was both happy and sad at the same time. I wasnt sure what the real reason was. Was it to lie to me to keep me from asking about it or was it real,or a way for her to get out of our M and avoid our inlaws and church and friends from thinking that it was the A that is causing the problem or is it what she says " she wanted to live/experience a life on her own". In some ways, I think its a mix of all of the above.
In any case, I left and gave her space. Been giving her space since then, though sometimes did backslide. Today, things are much the same. She is still moving out. Already has the apt. She still says its over with OM but I have very strong feelings and indications that its not, he keeps texting her and leaving vmails. Also OM also told his wife and I dont know what happend after that.
All I know is that this gives me a dying feeling every day. I know she sees it but chooses to ignore it. Ive been trying to take care of my D as much as I can. She loves our D too, I can see but its hard for me to see her loving our D so much but still do what shes doing.
Ived talked to the friends and fam that do know of the situation and they are also heartbroken but are being nice to W. When we see friends and fam, she acts as if everything is perfectly normal and that she is very happy. Tho when alone with me she tells me she dreads seeing them. She no longer talks about God. She no longer prays , I initiate praying time during dinner and before going to sleep as much as I can. I am not sure if she is praying with me.
What hurts the most is for my D. I am trying so hard but I feel like I am failing her every day. I know my W is not this person she is now. I know this because Im the one that spent the most time with her other than her family. I know she is a kind person that helps others and thinks of others feelings doesnt hurt people. But she is so different now. She seems as if she is dying to be away from both me and everyone to she thinks sees her as doing the wrong thing at this point of her life. She is exited about her new apt. She is excited about buying stuff for her new place and I am not sure on what is going on with OM.
I am trying to stay well for my D. I pray for my W every day.
