Compassion cause there but for the grace of God go I?
Harsh, hoping that you get angry, and use that to examine yourself?
God Frank, Amy knows more about this than most anyone here, but it sounds like your hitting a MLC.
You know if your wife was positively doing this crap again and going to put you through this, man I'd be the first to go, you know what? Once is enough, you did your best, walk tall and proud.
But this time. Frank, this is all you.
Did you get to the goal you wanted, look around and go, "F me...this isn't what I wanted."??
Look man, it most certainly CAN be your turn to get the support you need here. But damn you don't ask anyone here to help you end your marriage.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
God Frank, Amy knows more about this than most anyone here, but it sounds like your hitting a MLC.
You know if your wife was positively doing this crap again and going to put you through this, man I'd be the first to go, you know what? Once is enough, you did your best, walk tall and proud.
But this time. Frank, this is all you.
Did you get to the goal you wanted, look around and go, "F me...this isn't what I wanted."??
how do you know it's 'not done'? how many times does she have to get to this place of 'resolve'? maybe this is just unhealthy for us, for her? i'm not saying you're wrong or right, just that I don't see it.
Take a step in a positive direction FOR YOU of ANY kind. Use what's left of your strength and drive to take that step and beat the living hell out of accomplishing that step.
There's WAY too much thinking going on here, and not nearly enough action.
You've fulfilled nearly every new DB'er cliche I think in this one thread. And they are cliches because almost all of them involving thinking way too much and way too wrong, and almost all of them lead nowhere positive.
I'm sorry to even presume to post to you. You've been the rock for many of the people on this board that I admire most. I've learned from your words.
I believe your wife believes she is done. But I don't believe her.
I also believe that it's neither here nor there right now.
Frank needs to do something for him. Something that inspires you, something that relaxes you, something that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Mostly something that keeps you from staying in this contemplative mode where you can analyze and re-analyze every facet of your life.
I read the parts of your life you have shared, and I can see how you have always done for others, tried your best to protect and help. But the strength and drive you possess seem to cause you to feel your failures far more than your successes. And now you are depleted physically, emotionally, spiritually. Before any of the rest of your life can be made better, some of those wells need to be filled again.
Your wife is not running off. Your marriage is going nowhere anytime soon. Take the time to tend to yourself.
What's left when you're back is what's left Frank.
The truth is, you can't stop any of these other events right now anyway.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Only you know the truth. You and your wife. We are outside observers with 1/2 the story. What do we know? If you want truth talk to her. Find out what matters to her, what she's scared of, what she is looking for. Spriritual growth....what's that? Sitting in a haze of smoke talking deep thoughts with other similarly passive people? People speak in stock meaningless phrases. That's not real communication.
Sit down, eye to eye, and really talk to her. Tell her your dreams, listen to hers. You don't have to make it all fit together right then. Just listen, ask questions. Try to walk in her shoes. Then you will know the truth. It's not out here. It's inside the two of you.
Frank, I don't like to say this, but you sound just like several newcomers I've been posting to! Where the heck did the word hopeless come from? As has been said, if you want to quit, quit! No one here would question that! But if you are not going to quit, cut out the crap! You know better. I'm not telling you anything you haven't told other people, so I don't feel to bad about it!
I think you sound tired, and probably with good reason. I think you need to get refreshed before you DO anything. Amy's idea of a frankacion still sounds pretty good to me. You know if you are fatigued and without energy, you are not going to be able to do what has to be done.
