Living together as semi-polite strangers

[mishka422]

I've read Divorce Remedy. That was what led me here. It inspired me so much and gave me so much hope. The more I look at the last few years of our lives together the more I realize how unhappy I have been myself. I had turned into a shell of the woman I once was. I lost all my self-confidence and could not really laugh at anything. I had become cynical and pretty depressed about most things in general. Those are all the things my H is. I had always kept him balanced and I eventually let his personality (or lack thereof) overtake me. No more.

I am pretty sure I don't ever want him back. I don't think I could ever find a way to trust him again after knowing he has been lying to me about so many things (big and small) for so many years. I was blinded by my love for him and that is truly a sickness. I have to find my own way through this and I already feel like a massive weight has been lifted from me. Several people I have known for years have told me today that I seem like my "old" self. The person that disappeared 3 or 4 years ago.

If my H finds his way through all of this some years in the future and realizes what he gave up I know he'll have regrets. I don't know if I will too for giving up too easily but I find it hard to see regretting giving him up when he's been so mean and hurtful for so long already. I think I would regret the total loss of myself more for both me and my son.

Ingrid - How have you been able to handle a very rocky M since 2000? Every time I see your signature line it breaks my heart for you.