Since we all seem to be in similar boats, I'll give you my take as well. I believe that if you remain calm and rational you are going to continue to upset her. But if do I think she may eventually realize you are the bad guy she has in her mind you are. If you blow a gasket you'll only feed her impression or vision of you right now.
I'm not sure how she is going to react to your little piece of paper, but I assume not well.
Focus on staying healthy and being there for the kids.
