I dare say your wife has outgrown you. Believe me, I am shocked, too!
But all your fancy talk about finding and being true to your authentic self is being tested.
You'd better man up and do the real work, Frank_D.
You're losing her all by yourself.
If she's 'outgrown me' then I guess what you're saying is she is 'lost' already. She sure doesn't seem like she has any faith that there is any chance for happiness with me.
Another friend suggested that besides focusing on myself, I learn to forgive her for my perceived hurts from her, mourn the loss of the relationship and focus on knowing that I am capable of being loved by more than one woman in my life.
Drop the rope, let her go, accept that it's over because I can't expect someone to want to be with me when I'm harboring these feelings.
But it's also a catch-22. In the back of my mind I'm feeling that maybe if I do 'these improvements' she'll see that I'm better for her after all. But if I think that way, I'm not letting go and that makes her feel pressured.
Too much of my emotional well being has been based on her accepting me. I need some hope for 'us' but I'm afraid to embrace it. It just seems like the clock is ticking, and it's just a matter of time as she slowly makes her exit plan. She's not 'crazy' and afraid like she was before so there's nothing for me to fight for, to rescue her.
It hurts. I'm trying to accept this but it hurts. I know I'm doing a good thing by reaching out for help - for myself - and I should have done that a long time ago. At least it's not too late for me to work on finding my own happiness. I know my wife has been as patient as she can be. She couldn't really help me because of her own stuff and maybe she needs to grow some more.
I hope people here are learning the lesson that I'm learning the hard way. Do NOT save your marriage UNTIL you have saved yourself. And keep saving yourself.
