First of all your wife is right: you fixed the relationship (and maybe her a little bit), but not yourself. You played hardball and won the relational game, but you neglected yourself. You used detachment as a strategy rather than as a means of self-preservation to enable you to work on your issues.
Second of all, your wife is right: she can't have you until you have yourself. Right now, maybe for the last 5 years, you've been emotionally unavailable.
Damn she's good.
So...here's your chance: fix youself, save yourself, find yourself, have yourself. So this simply so that you can live with yourself and be happy again, for yourself and your kids.
The added bonus is that you have a good shot at drawing her back. It's said seldom does a woman leave a happy man.
What you do right now vis a vis your wife is irrelevant: focus on yourself.
Here's the good news in this situation:
1. Your wife is nearly not as crazy as she was 2 years ago. 2. She still likes your company. 3. You have plenty of time. She's not going anywhere soon.
My advice: don't try any of the "being mysterious", last-resort techniques or hard-ball strategies. you don't have the energy to do these now.
Just know yourself, find yourself, have fun, and share it with your wife because it's fun for you to do so. Put all your energy into yourself, not the relationship. As you regain yourself, your joy will bubble over and positively impact the relationship. Get your cup filled, then you can fill others.
You both seem more compassionate to each other now.
Leave the pictures on the wall as they are.
Your worrying about the pictures means you are REALLY tempted to return to the "save your wife and fix the relationship" mode. You are looking for a strategy or an angle. Don't go there. She knows your game by now.
