I'm finding my little ways to try and push through this. Or at least trying to find ways! I really, really like that bit of lyric I posted. It's just so "you're going through a lot of pain right now, and it's going to take awhile to heal, but keep your eyes on the future". And I know i have a good future. I'm young, have a career in mind, and consider myself to be an attractive person who will find someone else.
Rebuilding has this these parts about having you say things out loud. I think because actually voicing things makes you realize the truth of them. "My love relationship is over" took me three tries to actually say. But I'm aware it's true.
Dom - I'm not planning on waiting for the "old W" to come back. She won't. I don't even want to be a friend to the person who she is now, honestly. It'd be more hurtful than helpful to me.
....
I had a short conversation today with her on the phone.
On Tuesday, at work, she apparently got the impression I was going to contest the divorce. This came up after she had mentioned that she didn't need to serve me, because when it's a mutually agreed upon divorce, all you really have to do is fill out the paperwork and sign it in front of a judge.
I responded: "Oh, you think I'm going to make this easy on you?"
Long story short, I was offended that she had thought from the beginning that I would be OK with a mutual divorce and would just roll over when the time came. I told her on that on the phone today, and that I really didn't have any plans to contest the divorce, because I didn't want to bother with lawyers and legal fees.
Her: "So, you're willing to work with me on this?" (this being the paperwork for the mutual splitting and all that crap)
Me: "At this point? Absolutely." (in a sort of cold tone, too)
Her: "Uh... well, okay, I'll ..get working on, I mean, finish up the paperwork then."
Me: "Anything else?"
Her: "No, not that I can think of"
Me: "Then, bye." she said bye and I hung up. The convo was less than two minutes. I was very clear, concise, and detached (even my telling her the "i was offended you expected me to just roll over" thing was said in a really neutral voice).
I'm finding it hard to believe that I'm at this place with her. Considering my posts from 4 months ago when I was willing to do anything to get her back, to how I feel today - feels almost hypocritical. Not quite, but almost.
