Your recent circle of emotions and feelings has been virtually identicle to mine. A certain amount of frustration, anger, bitterness, sense of unfairness etc - all mixed together. In the end, it seems that all you can really do is try to accept the situation, enjoy the many postives and high points from the relationship and hope that eventually a full relationship will develop and grow. One day, I am sure that my wife will display a sign of willingness to change and at that time, I think I will be capable of nurturing, feeding and cultivating this dormant part of our relationship.
In my case, I feel I am missing about of 25% of what I want from the relationship, I always thought I would have a 100% "score" in the relationship department (naive I guess), and perhaps one day we will be back to that. Like you, I am not willing to give up the 75% because of the missing "25% part".
I am convinced that a positive attitude and enthusiastic acceptance of our wives will be a much better approach than the alternative - the punishment approach. The "punishment" approach (I believe the ignoring the wife routine is one in a long list that I would describe as the punishment approach) would likely be harder on me than on her. From the selfish side, I don't want to punish myself, and I think you came to a similar conclusion. I also don't really want to punish my wife, I would prefer to love her.
The hard part will be to embrace this approach over the long haul (as if it hasn't been long enough) since deep down a full relationship is important and I can't help feel like I am denying myself and the laws of human nature constantly. This feeling is wearing on me and I wish I could rid myself of this nagging feeling..... bit alas!
Anyway, good luck Sooner, I think I am making the right choice and I hope you are too. This forum has been incredibly useful, informative and supportive and the documentation of the unfolding of your circumstances has given me some strange sense of comfort.
Regards LR ps also thanks to Lis,MPT,luvhubby etc.,
