If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way. Actually, I'd probably have a man to man discussion with him that he'd have a hard time getting up from. However, that doesn't make it right.
Besides, I fear that it would push your wife away from you were she to find out.
I haven't been posting because there is no progress and I'm not sure I can create any.
I have had the flu this week. was served d papers on tue, while w sat in car in driveway, coward. wed was my 40th bday. got a present from my d8, but w totally ignored the event. this as she has a big bag present for my BIL sitting on our bar for his bday. no card...just a happy bday. nice reflection of where we are. s also returned her xmas present to min my office with no explanation..coward.
on wed I got an email from w asking if we could put together a firm schedule for us anthe kids. basically who is responsible for what days. I ignored it because I was 30 ft from her when she sent it.
I then got another that evening that had more venom in it and that she would assume she was responsible 24-7 because I was ignoring her. I replied that I was just up the stairs, why can't you just come and talk about it. she said I was not capapble of having a legitimate conversation. I replied that I am if she can keep her temper out of it.
so after a couple more emails..up she comes. immediately on the attack..she replies with everything I said with a "NO", then a sentence. not exactly out of the communication manual. reason w can't have a civil discussion is its all about her needs, and if shes had a couple glasses of wine, if I disagree or won't commit to something, her temper comes to the front row. now...I'm sure you will think I am antagonizing her. but I am very calm and business like.
one of the discussions was in regard to a winter break vacation we had planned with our kids. I think we should cancel it. she wants to take the kids by herself for 8 days. she says our kids deserve it and have been looking forward to it. mind you our kids are not deprived of nice vacations. at one point during this conversation, she got so mad and told me she would do all her communicating through her lawyer. nice threat. I told her our kids are looking forward to growing up in a two parent household right now. end of discussion.
anyway...she is being very difficult, cold as possible,and very selfish. if its not a discussion about the kids, then there is no talking.
her dad emailed me on my bday. said his daughter is "god damn stupid". he is convinced its mlc and he wants to do all he can. I told him to research that a bit and I was not confident he could do anything.
w going out tonight...I don't even want to think about it.
again..not sure why she has so much anger towards me. I really have been very nice through this entire process. but if I disagree in the slightest with her plan...I am a jerk.
now don't tell me to just agree with everything....shes nuts.
I haven't been posting because there is no progress and I'm not sure I can create any.
I have had the flu this week. was served d papers on tue, while w sat in car in driveway, coward. wed was my 40th bday. got a present from my d8, but w totally ignored the event. this as she has a big bag present for my BIL sitting on our bar for his bday. no card...just a happy bday. nice reflection of where we are. s also returned her xmas present to min my office with no explanation..coward.
on wed I got an email from w asking if we could put together a firm schedule for us anthe kids. basically who is responsible for what days. I ignored it because I was 30 ft from her when she sent it.
I then got another that evening that had more venom in it and that she would assume she was responsible 24-7 because I was ignoring her. I replied that I was just up the stairs, why can't you just come and talk about it. she said I was not capapble of having a legitimate conversation. I replied that I am if she can keep her temper out of it.
so after a couple more emails..up she comes. immediately on the attack..she replies with everything I said with a "NO", then a sentence. not exactly out of the communication manual. reason w can't have a civil discussion is its all about her needs, and if shes had a couple glasses of wine, if I disagree or won't commit to something, her temper comes to the front row. now...I'm sure you will think I am antagonizing her. but I am very calm and business like.
one of the discussions was in regard to a winter break vacation we had planned with our kids. I think we should cancel it. she wants to take the kids by herself for 8 days. she says our kids deserve it and have been looking forward to it. mind you our kids are not deprived of nice vacations. at one point during this conversation, she got so mad and told me she would do all her communicating through her lawyer. nice threat. I told her our kids are looking forward to growing up in a two parent household right now. end of discussion.
anyway...she is being very difficult, cold as possible,and very selfish. if its not a discussion about the kids, then there is no talking.
her dad emailed me on my bday. said his daughter is "god damn stupid". he is convinced its mlc and he wants to do all he can. I told him to research that a bit and I was not confident he could do anything.
w going out tonight...I don't even want to think about it.
again..not sure why she has so much anger towards me. I really have been very nice through this entire process. but if I disagree in the slightest with her plan...I am a jerk.
now don't tell me to just agree with everything....shes nuts.
I'm no expert here, but my guess is that she is mad because you aren't simply making this easy on her. She probably had a gameplan all laid out and you aren't playing by her rules. She thought this would be easy and she'd be "happier". Now she has to deal with reality. Besides if you are the bad guy, then she can justify leaving in her own mind.
It is hard to reason with a W that is so far gone. They sure make it easy to lose your love for them with their hostility. Mine too has had everyone tell her she is destroying her life but she does not want to hear that.
I like what your FIL said. I believe my MIL says about the same thing but I cant talk with her because of a language barrier.
She is selfish and not thinking about you or the sake of the kids growing up under the guidance of 2 loving parents.
yes..I have a good lawyer...I think you guys are totally right....it's not going to plan, she was expecting me to blow up and call her names and lose my temper all the time, she expected me to just blow away with the wind, and there's so much opposition to her beliefs that it has to be overwhelming.
So...I have to tell a funny story...I guess it's funny....that's the state of mind I'm in right now...
As you know I have contemplated calling OM W for quite awhile. I havent done it. But, knowing W comes into my office to use my printer, fax, or see if I'm harboring any of her mail....I decided to print up OM W's name and phone number on a little slip of paper. I left it on a place on my desk that wasnt obvious, but so she could see it if she was in here.
I got home today and I could tell she had been using my office...well guess what...that little piece of paper is gone. And W mood was really really down when I got home. She hasnt said a word to me about it yet, but I know storms a brewin, iceberg straight ahead. Email a comin.
Contemplating my answer. In my answer I dont want her to know if I did or didnt call her. I think my response will simply be that I think OM's W "has the right to fight for her family". She wont know if I talked to her or not and I think this could tremendously effect whats happening between her and OM. As for me...she already is a jerk to me right now and I dont think that's going to change unless she comes out of this fantasy world she's living in....
Tostada, I am really sorry about what is going on....I wish I could give you some direction that would be in tune with this site or principles of DB. Like I said earlier you are probably a couple of days ahead of my sitch...... although recently, my sitch has seemed to slow down while yours went into overdrive with the d papers. Whatever you have been doing is not working at this point. Only you know if you actually followed the DB principals. I don't know Tostada, I think it is time to drop the gloves (hockey) or put them on (boxing). There is another man around, you got served, your wife wants you out.....If it were me (and it might just be in a few days), I would get out of there for the next 48 to 72 hrs. (go totally dark) and celebrate your 40th. birthday with people who care for you and enjoy your company. You deserve to enjoy yourself, think about you for a while...and if it makes you feel better tell her a few choice words on the way out. You can always apologize later. I guess I won't be applying for a DB coach job any time soon.
