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However, I very much like sex for the fun aspect of it as well. I've told my wife that I think sex is by far the most fun we can have as human beings. I guess I've stayed away from stressing that because if she thought that all of my whining was just because I was missing out on some fun, I think she'd see me as shallow and selfish. Am I going about this whole thing the wrong way. Should I simply say "I know that you love me - I don't need sex to know that, I just want to have some fun with you"? Obviously I'd phrase that a bit better, but you probably get my point.


I pulled this from over on lowrob's thread. It gets a bit confusing sometimes to know where to respond to someone and not hijack another person's thread, etc.

Has sex gotten too serious? Has the fun aspect of it drifted away under the need for it to be fraught with meaning so that you don't supposedly have the appearance of being "shallow" (your word! not mine! )? Would it be different to deliberately try to be more lighthearted about it? Tease yourself a little bit about it's importance to you?

Of course, right now, I really think you need to stop all conversation about sex, but maybe this is something you can work on with yourself. Work on applying that sense of humor you have to this aspect of your life. It may seem hard at first, but practice makes perfect!

I sometimes feel like I sing the praises of my h too much, but he did do stuff that worked without resorting to an A or the threat of a D. I know that is the approach you're hoping to find. He joked about his heart and his brain being a bit controlled by his penis . He freely admitted/admits that the need for sex is probably more about him than me. He understands that a good backrub pleasures me more physically than an orgasm, but he isn't embarrassed to admit that he needs me to stroke his ego sexually. And because he is willing to acknowledge that and not take it all so seriously, it lightens the situation up and makes it less stressful all around. It is even downright fun for me to do this for him.

[In fact, there has been something he has been wanting me to say to you folks, which I haven't been able to figure out how to fit it in in anyway that is appropriate. This might be the opportunity . He really wants me to sing his praises about his, um, size. So let's not and say we did, okay? There, now I can say I did it. ]

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I know you're hurting and thinking about the humor of it may seem callous. I just want to throw out strategies to consider. This is a strategy that worked.

Best, MPT