Yeah, finally getting around to responding to this post. H has done all those things in the past. Sorry to say none of them really worked.
I agree with MPT that 1 and 2 are good choices although they made me feel sort of depressed when I realized H had given up. Even with him no longer initiating contact, we eventually fell into the same "we're not having sex fight". I think the other plans might just tick her off. I really disagree with the no more alone time. Counselor I saw a couple months ago, stressed the importance of time together, just the two of you. H and I still haven't followed that advice, but it does make sense. Your wife may see it as "Okay, he only wants to spend time with me if I'm going to have sex. I am right, he doesn't love me, he loves sex." Warped mind we LD spouses have isn't it?
Remember, it's an automatic response on our part. We can't help thinking that way once we have done it day in and day out for so long.
By pulling away completely from your W you may send the wrong message. Maybe if you talk to her and let her know that you are going to stop intiating and why, she might not take it the wrong way. She may be relieved or angry or maybe sad. Whatever her reaction, you can base your plan of "attack" on that. At least you'll know where she stands.
I also agree with whomever said not to do what makes you uncomfortable. If you are not to the point of no return yet, do what your heart tells you.
Hope I made some sense, I've got a toddler hanging on the back of my chair babbling about God knows what....Good luck again.
