Oh Sooner, I can't sleep so I thought I could either do some laundry...or not .
I definitely like number 1 of your plan. I also like #2 if your motivation is to provide space and not punishment. Respond in a subtle positive way to any physical contact she initiates, like with a smile. You want to reinforce her initiating contact without scaring her off.
The other thing this does is give her a little control back so that she can respond to her physical needs as they arise. I know you feel she's the one in control because she's been rejecting you, but from my experience it doesn't feel that way at all from the other perspective. First, your own body isn't doing what you want it to. Second, if your spouse is always initiating physical contact, and doing it fairly frequently, you don't get an opportunity to experience your own physical needs. You're always reacting to his. This could take some time for her to experience if this is the case for her. I know you've tried this before, but I don't think you've given it much time.
#7 you should do regardless of your sex life. (Although...seeing my H cultivate his r with his daughters warms my heart toward him.) The other stuff, do what feels right to you and look at your motivations and purposes. Luvhubby is right though, your w may misinterpret your intentions. You have no control over that, but if what you do doesn't have the effect you want...stop doing it.
One goal I think you should consider before the ultimate goal of increasing sexual activity is doing whatever you can to repair the battlefield that's been created over the sex problem. You guys have been having a tug-o-war game and the ground has gotten very messy. That's going to need some work, IMHO. Time and no arguments over sex might help.
Lots of laughter is usually a good idea too. My H actually used to make me laugh over the sex issue. The fact that he kept his sense of humor, didn't take himself too seriously (typical stance for him, keeps him mentally healthy) and was willing to let me laugh too was another thing that kept me looking for solutions. I don't think you're in a position to make jokes about the sex issue right now, but find other things to laugh about together. Make it a top priority to cultivate more positive feelings between the two of you. This is where you may want to think about not doing some of the things on your list. If it has the effect of producing hostility between you two, I'd recommend stopping. Just my opinion though. I tend to prefer the carrot to the stick.
One thing I noticed from one of your older posts I wanted to comment on. If your w is falling asleep in your daughter's bed and on the couch, see if you can wake her up and get her to come back to her bed. Not for sex, but because the quality of sleep is better. I speak from experience. I'd fall asleep in those same places and would keep waking up a little all night long, think "I need to get to bed," but then inertia made it hard to act on that thought. When I stopped that bad habit, I felt less fatiqued and less irritable.
I still haven't posted about the suggestions for what you can do for yourself without any change on the part of your spouse, but I'm getting sleepy.
.
