Call me a pessimist, but it doesn't appear as if you will be improving things until you can get to the root cause of the problem. What is it exactly?
Whats wrong with just saying "going a year without it is just not right, no rational person would put up with this so you either talk to me about it, go to counselling, or else"? I mean, what else can you do?
I was lucky in that our S life improved after the nadir, I'd like to think it was that fact that we did discuss the reasons and at least understand why it occurred. Otherwise I would have been chronically pissed off about it, and my W would not have made any lifestyle changes. I went nowhere until I was able to discuss the reasons. And, I didn't try to force a solution, it happened as a result of her offloading some things that were stressing her out.
You need to hear from him what the problem is. Pin him down on it. Otherwise you are in for a lifetime of excuses.
