Wife in Major MLC...Looking to Vent

[JMC]

Personally I see nothing gained from confronting the OM, or continually bringing it up. My understanding is that doing so drives our spouses further into the A.

Ironically, it was one year ago tonight that I uncovered my W's PA. She came home at 3:30 am after what I was told was going to be a dinner with a woman friend of ours who is married.

She said that would be the last time she ever saw him. She gave me his first name. I found a card in her purse and got the last name and found him listed in her contact list. She had been calling him since mid-Oct '06, and according to my daughter is still seeing him now.

Not meaning to steal the thread, but I guess my experience anyway was that I did not confront OM and WAW never admitted to having an A after she moved out.

Whatever the case, my tactic obviously did not work.

I did read up on affairs and learned that they are creatures of fantasy powered by lust(an unsustainable emotion), usually last from 1-2 years, rarely result in marriage and when they do result in a divorce rate over 85%.

I have read similar statistics. Though I thought Michelle mentions somewhere that A's typically last 6 months. Anyway, my W is now 1+ yrs with this guy (there have been others and a long-distance EA as well).

In his mind our marriage was already over before he came along. I don't know how much of this was from W's convincing and how much was self deception on his part.

Bottom line to me is that people who engage in relationships of any kind with married people are simply making a mistake. I never watch Dr. Phil, but happened to be hostage to the TV one time and heard him say that "relationships that start in chaos, typically end in chaos." I believe this statement would support the 85% divorce rate sited by Sleeper.