I don't know if I should be assertive and break her out of this funk like Deida would say to do, or just give her space and deal with my current issues and allow her to choose to come back to me.
She is in a funk b/c she is responding to your energy Frank. You are projecting your negative energy on to her and just as MindOS says, our masochistic behaviors yield near term positive support from others to feed our over-dependence but over the long term they drive people away.
Also, remember that our masochistic behaviors are linked to our depression and our impulsive behaviors are linked to our aggression.
She is getting all your negative energy. Yet you seem surprised at her reaction and you take these reactions as negative on her part. You see her distance, her being quiet, her not being able to support you like you think she should as her pulling away. You see things repeating from two years ago.
Can it instead be that she is giving you space to work it out?
If you can turn your negative energy into positive she will respond; her funk will leave.
That is also the the concept behind DB - how our changes affect others.
Take stock - what three things can you do right now to create some positive energy?
And when you do them be proud.
When she says "You sure have been working hard on that hon" don't tell her why it was such a long task.
Tell her "Thank you" and that "I did not realize how plumbing work turns me on". Then take her right there in the bathroom, grimy hands and all.
Okay, that may be over the top - but you get the idea!
Take pride in even the smallest thing you accomplish - that is how confidence is built.
