I can't find your first post on the boards so I'm sort of unclear about your complete situation. I read your current posts and see so much similarity in our situations, it scares me.
My H did what you are thinking many times. All it did was hurt my feelings. I would think, "great now he doesn't even want me anymore". If you have never said these things to your w, maybe she has no idea what your mind is thinking. If you have never said how the ssm is killing you inside I think she needs to know.
As the LD spouse, I never liked it when my H put the ball in my court. I would think, if he can just give up, why can't I? If you are not open with your w already, you should start there.
It breaks my heart to read all these posts from the HD H. I just keep thinking, "if I only knew". Tell her what you have so gracefully told all of us. Even if things don't go as planned, everything you have is on the table. No one can say, you should have told her.
