There are two schools of thought on the OM; One is to ignore the OM and the affair, the other is to take all possible action to break up affair.
My C advised taking no action against OM, saying W was the key to the situation, OM was simply a symptom of a greater problem. I took his advice and have done nothing to break them up or interfere. I did read up on affairs and learned that they are creatures of fantasy powered by lust(an unsustainable emotion), usually last from 1-2 years, rarely result in marriage and when they do result in a divorce rate over 85%.
I some times wish I had taken steps to end affair as I never dreamed it would last this long (1 yr and counting). Hindsight is always 20/20. There is a website called marraigebuilders that has resources in detail about ending the affair. Exposure to anyone who would frown on it (spouses, family, employer, pastor) are the main thrust of exposure.
OM's denial is par for the course. My W's OM said he was, "just being a friend," when I confronted him early on. That friend has been boinking my W for over a year now. There is some degree of dysfunction and denial going on in the minds of OM too. W's OM has told his friends he is "not doing anything wrong" and became very upset when a mutual friend of W and me commented that my W left me for him. In his mind our marraige was already over before he came along. I don't know how much of this was from W's convincing and how much was self deception on his part.
How you decide to respond to OM is a very personal call. Take comfort in the fact that he is also screwed up or wouldn't be involved with your W. Healthy people aren't involved in affairs.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
