I think WNC has some great points and in general getting out on your own is going to help you keep your sanity. How about mini putt with the girls? Going out drinking with the guys should help you deal with being alone in this and it might make her eventually want some of that time back with you. I don't know, I almost feel like I can't make any suggestions cuz nothing is working for me either.
I have also been doing more things with my kid and it helps a lot. When we’re the three of us together there is a tension between us, I know we are both jealous or envious of gaining the affections of my wife. My kid tries to wedge himself between us if we hug or jumps in with some sort of disruptive behavior. We generally get along great, more like brothers, but there’s something about my wife’s presence that gets us both in an aggressive mood. I get really angry that all the possible moments to be alone or have contact with my wife get used up with all of us together. He get’s irritated with me because he sees every move I make, every glance at my wife as a sexual advance and taking possible affection away from him, yet we shower him with affection and encouragement.
Don’t get me wrong, I love them both more than anything, I just feel resentful that after everybody else gets fed, there’s nothing more than a “g’night honey” for me. My wife has been working more and later lately. I’m very supportive of her working and doing things with her friends, generally being her own person. But it totally irks me that she’s always too tired for me. I get the scraps, the leftovers, which I can’t help but devour but I’m left hungry for more, for a full meal, if y’all get my meaning.
Anyway, I’m drifting away from my point. When I get away from my wife’s lovely distraction, I start to come down off the hormones and I think more clearly. My son and I go camping, fishing or hunting together and all the competition is gone. I don’t ache for my wife as much and I enjoy just being with him.
“I need to find a whole new approach to initiating change in my marriage. I had hoped that clearly communicating my feelings would make my wife care enough to change - but she doesn't. I hoped that trying to be the perfect husband would make her fall in love with me again, but it hasn't. I don't know what to do. I'm tempted to stay away from the house as much as possible - start going out for drinks more often, take up a hobby that keeps me away from home (golf for instance) - but in so doing I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with my girls. I'm just getting tired of this mundane life and I need some sort of change. Let me know if anyone has any good ideas.” (Sooner)
This quote really struck me. We all seem to be hitting similar points of frustration. We’ve read the SSM and connected with the ideas presented, implemented many of them, have worked hard to give our wives what they seem to want and need, we are kind and sweet, we voice our opinions (at least we used to, until we got that right revoked last week)...and yet we see no hope in ending the painful wound of the sexual imbalance in our relationships. There seems to be no choice but to live with the torture or leave, nothing we do seems to have an effect.
I’m sorry for getting so gloomy here, it’s just my own up and down hitting the floor. When children are involved I guess we have to bury our sadness and frustrations until they are on their own. After that point will come a sort of judgment day when a decision will be made--to continue in a one-sided relationshiip with a selfish spouse or if the spouse is unwilling to work on improving things--leave. Life is too short to be unhappy for so long.
A new approach must be found before it’s too late. The hope I have is that between all our heads we will discover things that will help. At least we have known that we are not alone.
