Well, thanks for all the thoughts and ideas. My W doesn't want to discuss anything though. She doesn't want to read anything. She doesn't want to change anything. And, she doesn't want to be or do anything that might be construed as proactive, to our R or anything else for that matter.

The "feeling" of not having any feelings is not as strong as it was last week. Does that make any sense? LH, you are right that there is more than just the SSM going on. But I think it is sinking in that no significant changes to our R will happen. And the despair of knowing I will be sexually frustrated and emotionally unhappy for as long as I remain married to W has me questioning my lot in life.

Here's a few exerpts from recent emails from my W:

-I hear what you are saying. If you are so unhappy with our marriage then why don't you just get out? Why live life in a miserable relationship?

-Do you really think finding another woman to have sex with is the answer? If so then you have my full on blessing to go for it! I don't know what else to do. I guess if you would rather me just spread my legs open everyday then I will.

-You are doing the things I want. You seem to listen to me when I tell you things. You have been fabulous when it comes to the kids.

You can probably see from these exchanges some of the things going on. The last one relates to all the changes I have made to make her more happy. But she isn't going to change anything she does. Hence the one about "if you are so unhappy the why don't you just get out". Basically that's her cop out so she doesn't have to try to improve anything. Her philosophy is that things are the way they are and efforts to change them are somehow bad and unnecessary. Yet she enjoys the fruits of my efforts.

And, obviously the middle one relates to me telling her that I am tempted to have an affair since she doesn't care about my feelings (hurt from lack of intimacy). I really don't even think she would be very upset if I did have an affair. I just don't know.

We were in New Orleans over the weekend and I let my eyes wander all over the place. That is something I have never done in front of my W before. I made no attempt to not be obvious. She never said a word. Even her mother noticed and it freaked her out. She noticed how distant we were too and starting telling me how happy she was that I was part of their family, how I was such a good father, how she was proud that we were working so hard to stay together, etc. There was so much alcohol involved that I really doubt her mother remembers much.

I'm sorry this has turned into a ramble. I don't even know what point I'm trying to make with this post. I'm still confused.

FredD

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.