Well, I have a lot new to report if y'all are interested. It isn't too pretty. After the MC sessions, months of "progress", etc. the frequency was pretty close to the same old same old. Meaning once a month or twice if I was "lucky". Many other things seemed to be back to normal in our R, meaning not so good, despite my extra efforts to prevent. I've been taking care of the kids much more, enabling her to have several nights of freedom for scrapbooking, bunko, etc. I've cleaned the house without any help from her every week for at least the last 6 or so. I've been patient.

Well, last week my patience ran out and I let her know via email how dissappointed I was becoming about how we were slipping back to old routines and particularly the no sex part. After a number of heated exchanges she said she would try harder and was sorry things had slipped.

Here comes the bad and disturbing part. We had a number of evening commitments so she never really had a chance to "try harder". Then, I can't pinpoint the exact time it happened, I went through a major change. I'm still struggling to understand it. Kind of like what Achingman described, I guess it was a wave of total despair of "knowing" and "understanding" the SSM issues but feeling completely powerless to make things better. Here is the really strange part. All of my sexual desire for my W dissappeared! It is horrible! Its just gone! I look at my W now and have no urge. I don't even want to hold her hand. I don't want her to get close to me in bed.

She actually tried to initiate sex with me and I had no interest at all. She rubbed and touched on me and there was zero physical reaction in me. Not like I was fighting the feeling, I just felt nothing. I kept thinking to myself, "it is just too late". Not too late at night but too late in the R. Like, I'd already given up on wanting to have a sex life with you.

I wonder if she experienced the hurt of rejection that I've felt so many times?! I really hope not. Now I wouldn't be surprised if she won't want to initiate again. But I'm much more worried about my own feelings - or lack of them. In the nine years we've been married I have never not been in the mood. Not once ever. Does this mean I don't love her any more? Is this the beginning of the end?

My head is so F'd up right now. I need to know if this is all my imagination, if this lack of feeling will go away and I'll be back to myself again. Its been 4 days since the night she tried to initiate and my feelings haven't changed. I know its nothing physical because I still feel the same physically when I see other atractive women. Its not like my libido is gone.

Now she's pressing ME for answers for MY lack of desire and I am clueless. I have no idea what to tell her. I have no idea what to tell myself.

FredD

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.