I don’t imagine Sooner objects to us grabbing his thread now and then, we’re all trying to weave a web of support out of the agony of our sexual imbalances.
I’m sorry that your letters appear to have had no effect or worse, a negative effect. I did write my wife a letter the other day but I mailed it to her office so that she would see it there and could read it without me pressuring her by handing it to her like a summons. She hasn’t gotten it yet so I don’t know how it is going to go over. I think it should be better than your husband’s reactions, but I have been surprised before. Pardon me but I think your husband is a fool not to appreciate such a sexy thoughtful wife as you! I would kill to have my wife care about our sex life the way you care about yours. I sincerely hope he recognizes the precious jewel he has before him someday, the sooner the better. Let me apologize to you on his behalf. What the F**** is up with all these sex drive imbalances that plagues our relationships?
I also wanted to encourage you by saying a lot of the things I write here I direct not only to men in pain, but also to women of healthy libido, like yourself. So don’t feel alone here. You sound like a wonderful woman; I can’t tell you how mind-boggling it is for me to hear that your husband is not awake to your sensuality. I simply can not comprehend how he could not be all over you after being exposed to all the sweet and sexy things you’ve been doing. In so many ways your situation sounds like the inverse of mine, that is, your husband is sorta like my wife and I am more like you. She is easily overwhelmed with my affections. I can tell when I’ve tried to touch her one too many times. I get a lot more physical contact than you but I am going insane with desire all the same. The contact (hugging, pecks, flirting, etc) is wonderful and I enjoy it but at the same time it kills me that it doesn’t go beyond that because I get so worked up(up up and away!!!!) simply by a brief brush with her skin that I just about need a cold shower. It is a paradox that I could not say no to a non-sexual hug or kiss even though I know I am going to be in worse shape emotionally after it. Sometimes it would be easier to keep my sanity if we didn’t touch so much. I think this might be a distinction between high lib men and high lib women: women can be a lot more satisfied with simply physical non-sexual closeness, whereas men (I’m really speaking from my perspective here, so y’all correct me if this isn’t true for most) need to go all the way more often.
(This happens to me often) A couple nights ago my wife came in after I had gone to sleep and gave me a nice little hello kiss and was actually semi-straddling me wearing no pajama bottoms. This immediately set me on fire! In my book that is an extremely sexual message. I pretended to be calm and responded warmly but not very sexually by only rubbing her back and touching her hair lightly (non-sexual activities for her). I was so happy and excited thinking “wow, she’s in the mood!” but a few moments later she was asleep on top of me! I couldn’t f***ing believe it. Now I was totally awake and lay there in physical and mental anguish with her body burning into my soul. I couldn’t sleep for 3 hrs. I became so distraught that my head and chest began aching, like a dizzy migraine and heartburn. The next day I was still not feeling well. It is not just an emotional need. This longing is affecting my physical and mental health. The stress and depression associated with sexual suffering is no doubt taking years off my life. I am honestly afraid of being at a greater risk for heart attack or stroke if this continues for another 5 or 10 years.
I wholeheartedly agree with you:
“A kiss is not a kiss if you have to ask for it and love making is not an expression of love when a partner is just "trying" to appease you. “
WE ARE NOT ALONE, WE ARE NOT SEX MANIACS, WE SIMPLY NEED LOVE.
