I am sorry for barging into your thread but I think I have to kill mine. There is very little support for a W in this type of sitch.
Aching Man said: "The first step is recognition of a problem, a release of denial. I have yet to see that. I'm also afraid of upsetting the precarious equilibrium of getting along well otherwise. Could I screw things up even worse by expressing my frustrations instead of swallowing them?"
I totally agree that the first step is towards recognition of the problem and in my case H said he does not think there is any problem. H has told me to stop writing him letters and to stop hassling him or he'd rather be alone. I have written many letters, sad letters about my pain and longing for him, sexy letters about what we've been missing and some naughty thoughts but mostly sad letters and very rarely angry ones and never accusing ones but they're usually either ignored or I'm told that I'm stressing and pressurising him. I simply don't understand it. If I were a H and my W tells me how much she misses my hugs, kisses, smell etc, I would just say "Come here, you" and proceed to give her a hug and a kiss etc and not "You are stressing me." If I were a H and my wife sends me a sexy email at work, I would get so excited I couldn't wait to get home to W for some fun but none of this happens. I don't get it. I am a loving and sensual person, nothing wrong with me (except for some leftover baby fat) but H has lost interest in me and has no time for me. I have no choice but to meet him at his level and to suppress my own feelings.
Yes Aching Man, you can screw up as I have by expressing your frustrations instead of swallowing them. I wish I hadnt'. After 20 months of nothing, H initiated once and was in such a hurry it hurt, it was quite obvious he only wanted to get it over and done with so that I would stop bugging him. The next day all I told him was the positive which was the truth. I asked him whether he could feel in my touch how much I needed him and how much I had missed him and that I would keep the memory of that moment in my mind for use when he was too busy for me. The 2nd time was when I initated and that went better but then I messed it all up by trying to discuss the sitch with H again and this time H told me "But we did it last week and the week before. I tried. What more do you want?" I told H that he had hurt me the first time because he was in such a hurry and that made him even angrier.So thats it. Almost 24 months now and only twice and H thinks there is nothing wrong. Its made me feel like a sex maniac or some ridiculous thing like that when all I want is a little loving from my own H.
Now we have regressed back to very little affection, no cuddling, no goodnight kisses etc. Mostly my own fault because I've been so hurt by all thats been said by H I just feel so tired to be the one trying all the time. It takes two hands to clap and two feet to tango. A kiss is not a kiss if you have to ask for it and love making is not an expression of love when a partner is just "trying" to appease you.
Sorry again Sooner. I know this is your thread and I got carried away venting. I wish you better luck with your letter than mine.
