You know what I don't know or care. He is not a factor to me. Besides W would probably lie anyway about it. I asked before not to do take the kids there but she will lie and do it anyway. Its not like I can stop her being in another state and all. So when I visit I make the most of things and she sees what she gave up on. I just have to be strong for the twenty steps she takes back for every step she takes forward.
Its strange because she's been lying about everything lately. It makes wonder who is this person? Is this who she has become? If so I don't need her in my life. But I don't know. The signs are there to cut ties and run. But I can't. Something in my heart says she still there. She just needs to find her again and she'll find you.
She's going through so much stuff and I see her losing control and heading for a huge breakdown. I want to help her. But I know I can't. Besides, I'll be back in Iraq in a few months anyway so its best I work on me. That way if D happens I'll be ok. I already know I'll be ok if it happens but I have to make sure I'll be ok if it happens (i.e. money and kids).
Anyways, I feel you on the whole egshells thing. It a sucky feeling. Somewhere in our Rs we let ourselves get that way. I believe its from many factors like getting too comfortable with each other.
When that happened to W and I, we stopped communicating because we thought we knew what the other wanted. Instead of asking and communicating we did what WE thought the other wanted. We acted how WE thought the other wanted us to act. Thats a lot of pressure especially if you don't know what the other wants. You stop being yourself. You stop keepin it real. Its too much pressure when you don't talk. Thats whats starts the eggshells.
I forgot how easy and comfortable you can be around people if you talk. For example, If I acted grumpy around you and said nothing. You would probably act like "what's up with him" and stay away until I was cool again. But if I just said "hey, I'm in a mood right now and I don't know why, I might not be good company" There would be no eggshells. No awkwardness. Because I told you what's up. But as we get comfortable around each other and start to take each other for granted we start to do things like that to each other. We just forget. I don't want to be that anymore so that's one of the things I am working on for myself.
