I think the letter you wrote was a good idea; I’ve been thinking about writing one myself lately since it is such a tough subject for my wife to listen to but I know she likes reading...maybe it will open a weak spot in her anti-sex defenses. In your case, the fact that your wife has not mentioned anything about it likely means that it did impact her and that she needs time for digesting it and trying to understand her own feelings about it. Let’s hope. The first step is recognition of a problem, a release of denial. I have yet to see that. What are some of the key points that you make in the letter? I’m not sure how to even begin. I’m also afraid of upsetting the precarious equilibrium of getting along well otherwise. Could I screw things up even worse by expressing my frustrations instead of swallowing them?
Lately, that is, post reading the SSM I’ve begun to feel a creeping sense of hopelessness. At first, I was excited to see that SSM describes so well the situations that so many of us have been dealing with. After finishing the book I think I am a slightly different person. I am still frustrated and hungry but at least now I can catagorize and consciously see the elements of my pain. A negative side effect I think is that being more aware of the pain, a veil has fallen, I can’t stop thinking about it now and searching for an opportunity to improve things. My ignorant anger with the situation is transforming into a deep soul-sinking sadness: the dark side of enlightenment is to be painfully aware. Her touch is even more searing, her loveliness more enticing, her disinterest in physical intimacy an icy daggar through my soul.
Something powerful must happen to shake our wives into recognizing the depth an potency of our pain. For now maybe all we can do is keep bailing out the water from our sinking life rafts faster than our spouses are drilling holes...an exhausting task but perhaps better than jumping ship(hard not to do when so many luxury yachts cruise by!)
