Perhaps you could look at taking control of the finances more like defending your and your kids' future. In the current situation you and your W will erode all of the assets that could be available in the future to help your kids. Where there are kids involved, we have to put their interests first, even at the expense of dad or (perish the thought) mom.
Right now your W is only thinking about your W. If she is not in a place to act responsibly, then you must.
