Ongoing affair, D papers filed, advice wanted

[SirPrizeMe]

And something else - it feels like I am tearing myself apart as I force more practical reality into our situation. I still feel so close to her that going unilateral (closing joint accounts etc), feels like me attacking her. I hate this feeling. This is my wife! Who I promised to be True to, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. Love and Honor, all the days of my life. And this is what it has come to.

Taking control of the finances, it really *is* a controlling act. This is hard for me because control is the thing she complains about soooo much to me. Especially in the last 5 months, when I have been out of the house and all our income (*my* income) goes to her. But it is not to control *her* that I act now. I am trying to control what I can of my own life, which means an apartment and a place to bring my kids to. It means a garage of my own again, and my things, and my place. I need a place, and would prefer to share it with my wife, but only if the sharing is suffused with good will - honest, committed, compassionate, and patient. Lacking that now, I am getting my own place which means we need to sell the house and cut the credit card crap, which means I am taking over.