Willing to be disturbed...

[ediemarie]

'been having a tough week. Nothing seems to be working. I feel insecure and inadequate. Everything is OK with H. Nothing new to report. H has been hating going to work - so he just stayed home Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He just doesn't get the joy of being there that he used to. This morning he even mentioned quitting. For those of you that have been following my sitch, you'll know that in the past I have BEGGED him to quit (OW works there). I haven't mentioned ONE word about him quitting since November. I've actually encouraged him to stay, to thrive there, to enjoy his time there. He told me this morning that he HATES going. It doesn't feel right. He knows I don't like it (even though I don't tell him I hate it) and he's having a difficult time handling that. All well. There isn't anything I can do to fix that. I just told him to do what he thinks he is right and left it at that. Such a 180 for me. I think in the past, he felt uncomfortable going to work with OW, but felt that way because he knew he was going to have to hear crap from me about it. Now, I've removed myself from being the "cause of the pain" and he *still* doesn't like going. Perhaps you're not comfortable working with OW, h? Just a thought...

I just am having a difficult time at work. Mid-terms are coming up; I have tons to grade, and I am having a hard time relating to fellow co-workers. I feel like everything I say is misconstrued or misinterpreted, I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, people think I'm after them or fighting with them. And I don't intend to communicate this stuff. Even now I feel like I can't even express this clearly. I'm just trudging up hill. Insecure and inadequate. BUT on the bright side - I have NO complaints about home, except for that sex thing...but, sigh, maybe ONE day...this too shall pass.