Ongoing affair, D papers filed, advice wanted

[SirPrizeMe]

NF - Thanks for the compliment! I have always loved my kids and have always enjoyed spending time with them.

I coached every one of their soccer teams. When two of them had soccer in the same season they would have a tug-a-war over who's team I'd coach. A memory: while we were working on our house, I'd go to the hardware store often. I'd invite them, and sometimes all four of 'em would come. W would have some time alone, to herself. Out shopping, I was sooooo proud to be their dad. People would look at me, amazed. The kids helped me shop, and they'd all pick out something sweet at the checkout. Sometimes we'd go to the library afterwards. I had an old volvo wagon, but I didn't envy anyone driving a brand new BMW. My wagon fit my life, my kids, me. They'd crash their bikes into it, step on the seats with their dirty shoes, and it was fine. I didn't mind.

One autumn night, after it had rained all day, dinner was over, and I said, "let's go for a bike ride!" W wanted some quiet time so the kids and I went without her. I packed 5 bikes in the car and drove to a park, where there were paved bike paths. My youngest was probably 3 or 4, she went in a bike trailer. And the D9 was probably 5 or 6 then, riding training wheels. The boys had their own new bikes...

We rode on the rain-soaked trail as the sun was setting, and in the dusk I could see frogs hopping across the trail. We'd stop every 200 yards and my daughter would jump out and catch a frog. The kids caught 4 frogs that night, each one totally different. We saw some deer up close that night, too. I used to love doing stuff like that. Just being there.

All last summer - the summer of her discontent - in the evening I played frisbee and tossed the baseball and organized croquet tournaments with the kids. I'd invite W to come out and she'd decline.

These days it's like I am trying to distill the good times with my kids into our short visits. When I was in the house I was more concerned about "responsibility." You know, hand washing reminders, "in this house, we don't leave our coats on the floor", "where do wet towels go after the bath?", and "TV after homework" etc. But now that I am out of the house there is much less of that, of course. All that is left is the play time.

I'm like the fun uncle now.

I feel so much loss.