I hate that i don't actually have any helpful advice since you are always helping me and giving me things to actually do, but i did see this...
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We ended up having an 'R' talk yesterday, as a side effect of a discussion of her blaming me, about how our kids want our family together again. (she thinks it's my fault that our kids have been telling her they want us together again. It couldnt possibly be because THEY want us back together again? She claims that they only tell her that when they are with me, not when they are with her. very wierd, if true.)
This doesn't seem that weird given this (from earlier in your thread...
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they told me that they kept asking her if I could come over, when SHE has them. But she kept telling them "no", so they gave up asking her Well, technically she conflict-avoids by telling them "maybe" or "we'll see", and they are finally old enough to understand that from her, that means "no".
They know they can depend on you to validate their feelings and that, at least in this regard, you feel the same way. They know that if they say it when they are just with her, they are going to get a negative response, so why bother...
I agree with catfan, it really sounds like she hasn't forgiven herself. I hadn't forgiven myself for a while and i was all over the place with H. Once i did, truely forgive myself, i was able to look at this sitch more clearly.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
