How can he say that he misses you and loves you with a straight face and then behave and say the rest of that other stuff.... Either he's saying stuff to get what he's want, or he's bi-polar. And at least the second is excusable....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
He says he's just being skeptical. Bi-polar would be great, because at least there's medication for that! There's no medication for just plain being an [censored]!
He called me today to tell me that I need to transfer some money because of some birthday present he's getting for me. Strange since Christmas was not only scarce, but rubbed in my face that he wasn't getting me anything. I haven't heard back about the dollar amt,but I'm very curious.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
My H could be your H with the meaness and the wishy washy. I get very similar treatment. Anyway, my H is a Sheriff. I often thought this behavior could be related to his job. Do you think so. I know that cops and sheriffs are nortorious for having affairs and I hate to say it, but alot of the single cops and sheriffs in our town are known for being mean jerks to their wives. I wonder how much of his behavior might be related to folks that he works with. I am just curious. I have wondered that about my husband. I saw some signs of jerkiness when we were dating, but none of the mess I am getting now. I just have a hard time beliveving that a bunch of cops and sheriffs are advising my husband on working on his marriage. I hate this all so much.
Do you realize you are setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt when you are intimate with him? I know I was just dying to have sex w/my H when we were separated, but yours is just horribly mean to you, and I think in this case you are letting him have his cake and eat it too. The man is just sick and messing with your mind so so much. I so wish you put up boundaries, he's stepping all over you, I know you dont' want this kind of M life, so why are you still putting up with so much nonsense while separated?
Honey, please wake up and stop going down cheese-less tunnels, he knows you don't want a divorce, so he's taking advantage of it and of you, no matter what he does /says to you you still take anything he throws your way (abuse, disrespect).
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You know, I'm feeling a little down today. I can't find a counselor that will at least CALL ME BACK that takes my insurance! I'm at my wits end with everything and really need some direction here.
H just called me. He's at the house (I'm at work). He's mad because he's looking for a bill and I don't know where it is. So, he ranting about everything, and how I haven't changed because the house is still messy, and when am I going to change, etc... You know, I'm tired of HIM waiting on me to change before he shows me that he can be a loving husband. Once I change, he says he'll work on things. Well, BS! You're either in or you're out. There's no waiting on someone else before you change! I'm sick of his CRAP!
These are the changes he needs before he'll work on himself:
1.Clean house, I need to keep the house clean, and the office clean. Papers filed. Bills paid. (Did I mention I work full-time and have two little ones and no help from him?)
2.I need to see a phychologist to take a 4hr psych test to prove I don't need psych meds. He didn't beleive the psychiatrist that told me I was fine, that I don't have depression, etc... HE wants the full-on testing.
3.I have to be willing to move to TN. Don't even get me started on this one.
The more I think about these things. That's not a marriage. It's a dictatorship. There's no compromise, or consideration in ANY of this!
Feeling like crap...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
that sucks, that's awful you can't find a C that takes your insurance! but don't give up, even the Cs that take my insurance take their sweet time to call me back, you call and keep asking, I pray someone contacts you soon)))))))
Tell him you are doing the best you can about the house and that if he doesn't like it to choose chores he can help with so the house is in the shape he wants, put the ball on his court.
I know you dont' want to let go of him, it hurt like hell, but at the time I was S I reached the conclusion that I'd be fine if my H never came back, then...ahhhh!!! the freedom I felt was liberating.
Face that fact, that you dont' need him to be happy, let go... for your own good and to think clearly.
Keeping you in my prayers)))))))))) take care
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
H came over to the house this morning to pick up his medication. He noticed for the first time that I wasn't wearing my wedding ring (took it off 1/1). He wasn't happy. He said, "you just did that to piss me off." I told him that's not why I took it off. I told him that he hasn't been wearing his since we sep in Oct, and I felt silly still wearing mine. Well, then he got more upset because I never told him how I felt about him taking off his ring, and I don't tell him when things bother me. I told him that right now, there are a thousand things that bother me, and that with all of our problems, I didn't want to bring up one more. He told me that that's my problem. I don't bring things up and then I bottle them up until they explode. I told him that if it bothered him (which it clearly does) then I'll put my ring back on. He didn't answer and I actually forgot to put it on before I left for work.
I guess it goes back on.
I found a counselor! I have my first session with him tomorrow. I have no idea how he is, I just pulled his name from the insurance list and he actually called me back! This is going to be my first male counselor. I think it'll be good for a new perspective.
Boy, counselor sure are vague when answering questions... "Are you a Christian?" Well, I certainly believe that spirtuality is important and will consider your beliefs when counseling you. (in other words..no).
"Are you pro-marriage?" Well, I certainly believe that marriage is important and I work with a lot of people to improve their marriage. (??too vague!)
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Isn't that the teapot calling the kettle black since he doesn't have it on?
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Well let's look at this from a different perspective. If you not wearing your ring bothers him greatly then clearly the commitment you make is important to him or at least the outward signs of the commitment.
I think this actually is a positive thing because if he was "done" then you no wearing your ring wouldn't have bothered him in the least.
Don't you just love the mixed signals?
Last edited by catfan; 01/15/0808:55 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
