She's ready to move on

[ntl]

Things have been quiet these past couple of days. I have been detaching a bit more. I copied log files from her computer yesterday and then just had no desire to even look at them. Since before Thanksgiving I have been trying to keep myself from snooping (I know what it does to ME). This time, however, I didn't have to try at all. I just realized that I didn't WANT to look. I wasn't afraid of what I would find, I simply didn't care.

That's awesome! And isn't it so freeing, too? It's like you can finally get this nasty demon off your back. The one that's always urging you to look and to discover. And for what? More pain for you.

Do I care if she has rekindled with OM or if she's talking to 'friends' about dating? Yeah, I do. But I know that there's nothing I can do. What is the info going to do for me? Prepare me for the worst? Nope. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst as it is.

Good for you. This is so great to hear. I know how I feel when I think about H rekindling his affair or having another one. It sucks. But I am at the point now of saying that there is nothing I can do to change his decisions. I can only be the best me I can be. That's it.

So, what I've done:

• Joined the gym (still going too!!)
• Joined Habitat for Humanity (waiting for a call...)
• Started going out on my own with friends/family
• Reconnecting with old friends (still more to contact)
• Begun buying "hip" clothing (something I did when we were dating and then I looked like Crocker from Miami Vice!!)
• Bought a new cell phone - much nicer than my old one - this is something the 'old me' would never have done
• And one of my biggest triumphs, I haven't allowed her to suck me into her maelstrom of emotions

I know I have a lot more detaching to do but right now things are on a fairly even keel.

This Friday I'm going out with my BIL and W's nephew (23-ish) to the gym so BIL can show me the 'proper' way to use free weights. Afterwards we're going for wings or sushi (or as some folks on the board call it, 'bait').

You've got quite a list going there. When I first (back in the summer) starting GALing, it was great for me. I felt so free and so much like I was finally actualizing ME. I was finally being the person I always knew I wanted to be and could be. I totally fell off the wagon once I learned of H's affair. But I am slowly and surely working my way back on. With him or without him, it's the right thing.

I'm thrilled to hear of your progress.

Regards,

ntl