Amy, I'm not talking about just here! You've got a lot more to offer H than you did before, and your kids. I am not saying the price was worth it, that's a totally different issue. I'm just saying you are a more complete preson now. It would have been much nicer to get there without being an MLC b!tch in between!
So, getting back to the MLC. You were lost. I understand that, because there is no way you could have behaved that way otherwise. But, how did you get lost? I just have a hard time thinking that you were responsible for 'getting lost', because if you were, that seems to say that you made a choice to be lost, and I just can't see you doing that. So, if you didn't choose to be lost, and did not choose to stay lost, is it fair for you to blame yourself for the consequences as much as you do?
I'm just asking, because, well, I don't even know. I guess I am hoping it can somehow help you! Gee, first Frank, and now AmyC, what's the world coming to?
I'm not wallowing. I am expressing to you a downside of what some might perceive to be "victory".
Great. So I am more "complete". Am I? Do you know that it only recently occured to me that one of the legacies I have left my children is the necessity of wrapping up their babies twice on Christmas to take them once to my house and then to their father's? That matters to me. But back in my MLC days, all I could see was that if I wasn't happy, I had to do whatever was required to GET happy. Well, THIS is what that got me. I am not happy and I have set my kids up to not be happy either.
I get that this is not entirely my burden, too. My husband has enough dysfunction of his own but guess what? I'm the only one that seems to be aware of the long term effects of this bullsh*t and it pisses me off sometimes.
Do you know that it only recently occurred to me that one of the legacies I have left my children is the necessity of wrapping up their babies twice on Christmas to take them once to my house and then to their father's?
Amy, there is nothing wrong with that. A lot of people do that. Whether you were in MLC or not, you can't keep blaming yourself. What was done in the past needs to stay there. Just look to the present. Besides, the babies as they get older will enjoy getting double the gifts......
I know you are not wallowing. I can tell when you are wallowing, and this isn't it!
And I don't see it as a victory, more a case of survival, I think.
You've been using a lot of energy, and gaining a lot of energy, too, in the last few days. A bit of emotional fatigue seems to me to be expected. You don't do ANYTHING halfway Amy! So, I know you'll be past today's feelings and on your toes real soon!
