jen,

I appreciate all the thought (and typing) that you've put into my situation. Like your husband, I usually go to bed quite a bit later than my wife, try to snuggle up to her, wake her up, and basically make her mad in the process. She's a morning person while I'm a night person. Unfortunately we're seldom able to go to bed together because one of us has to read stories to the girls and get them sleep. If she goes upstairs with them, she usually falls asleep before they do and doesn't come back downstairs until the middle of the night. If I take the girls to bed I'm usually back downstairs by 10 p.m., but my wife is sound asleep. At that point I usually stay up for a while because I’m afraid that if I get in bed I’ll lie there awake until I end up pestering her. I'd love to be able to go to bed with her and I'm hoping this will become easier as the girls become more independent. Of course I've got no problem with morning sex either if that works better for her, but there aren't many mornings when at least one of the girls hasn't come downstairs and gotten into bed with us. Also, morning sex doesn't lend itself to a lot of kissing thanks to morning breath.

I've never really let my wife know ahead of time that I'd like to have sex with her later that night. I'd love to be able to do this, especially if it would make things easier on her, but I honestly don't know if it would do any good. I'm afraid that it would be awkward for her and that just asking would lead to the sex argument. Do you think that's a valid concern? I suppose I could try it and see how she reacts. Also, I'm a little afraid that I'd end up asking her every night. Maybe when the frequency gets back to normal sex won't be the only thing on my mind, but right now I can't imagine there being a night when I don't want to make love to my wife. Maybe if I was really sick, but that's about it. Actually though, there are a lot of times that I would love to be able to cuddle with her and kiss her without it resulting in sex, and I especially miss sleeping naked with her and just feeling her body against mine. When we started going out, she nearly insisted that we sleep naked together - and it only took about one night before I became a big fan of that arrangement. Now she practically goes to bed fully clothed and I really miss the feeling of her bare skin against mine.

Mornings after coffee would be great for me, but between the kids and both of us working we don't get such opportunities very often. Actually never, unless we happen to be away in a hotel together. By the way, I'm going to San Diego for business next weekend and my wife is flying out to join me for a long weekend. I’m in a pretty good mood as I write this because I made love to my wife this morning for the first time since I started posting to this message board. Now if I can just keep from screwing up (via the sex argument, etc.) maybe things will continue to improve.

Jeffo and lostlove – thanks for your responses as well. Glad to know that my Ferrari analogy hit home with someone else. Driving a Ferrari is so much more exciting than riding a unicycle!

Sooner