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Right. So what would you do about it?

Well now you've got me really thinking...because I've never been in a R with a man who I would consider mean. I've never considered my H mean even though we were not having sex that often and that made me feel invalidated. And even when he left he didn't want to be mean about it, even though it was as invalidating as it comes I guess. But he was always so "nice" about the whole thing.
Huh. So maybe my boundary/dealbreaker is mean people. lol. I just don't accept it and never have. I've never been in that situation probably because I never allow myself to be. Similar to what you were saying about know who you are and what you want. hhmmmmmm I guess I know that part of myself fairly well. And I like that part of myself. So I wouldn't stay in a R/M in that case.

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I don't understand. You say if you were being invalidated you wouldn't have intimacy or passion or sex with the person invalidating you, yet you'd be willing to let them in?

I guess what I'm saying is that if I find that person honorable and someone worthy of my time and effort, I need to let them in completley. Not all half-azzed. That is what I was doing by wasting my time with soldier boy and every other avoidance tactic to prevent me from committing to H. I just wasn't willing to let him in and neither was he, until recently. Because we were finally willing to validate each other the way we both needed. He could have easily let his ego/pride whatever you want to call it prevent him from letting me back in and I could have done the same after he left. But we love each other, are good to each other most of the time, and didn't want to let our mistakes ruin the best R either one of us ever had and probably will ever have. Not sure if that cleared it up or not but that's sort of where I was going with that train of thought.

LFL