Some men are definitely more highly shame-prone than others. If he is a cradle catholic then it is quite likely that he was brought up to regard sex as somewhat shameful. So he has to contend with the shame of not fulfilling his wife as well as the shame of the whole idea of sex. It's a no win situation. It is much easier for him to think of you as just being somewhat pesky than to reassess is whole upbringing.
So you need to decide that you are no longer going to be largely quiet and occasionally somewhat pesky. You need to make it easier for him NOT to ignore your needs. The debate of course is how to do that. I agree with Stig saying you need to sit him down and have a serious talk. But you have to have a good hard think about what the "or else' is going to be if he won't step up. Clearly the "or else" is not going to be D. But what can you hold as a sanction? Think carefully about all the things you do and participate in because your are married. For example do you eat together? Maybe you could say something along the lines of "When we don't have sex I consider you like a roommate, if this continues then I will no longer participate in family mealtimes". That's just an example, I'm sure there are a lot of other things you could think of. I wouldn't shy away from things which may "hurt" the kids he is very kid-focused if he thinks a behaviour would hurt them he will want to avoid it. That might sound harsh but my guess is it won't even come to that.
I take issue with Dom saying shame is not a bad thing. I think for some people the pain of shame is too excruciating, they will do anything to avoid it and will often go into denial in order to do so, shift the blame onto the person who has triggered the shame.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
