Originally Posted By: ann25
Hi Dom... I found you.

Sounds like your trip went well.

Obviously, i don't know all about what you've got going on, but it seems that you are really getting what your W needs/needed.


Eh.. not so much, apparently.
We ended up having an 'R' talk yesterday, as a side effect of a discussion of her blaming me, about how our kids want our family together again.
(she thinks it's my fault that our kids have been telling her they want us together again. It couldnt possibly be because THEY want us back together again? She claims that they only tell her that when they are with me, not when they are with her. very wierd, if true.)

She went right back to the "[we cant live together ever again because] You always try to control me!!" complaint. Not a week after she had told me that I dont really do that any more.

She ended the conversation with "I'll think about it".
(About how she's teaching our children by her example, to never forgive.)

Based on her past response after similar statements to end discussions, that seems unlikely, though \:\(

-----

I think that what I have been trying to do and show her over the separation period, would meet most peoples's criteria as a candidate for forgiveness.

To use the "five languages of apology" as a guideline, for example:

  • i HAVE said "i was sorry" for those things I did wrong
  • i HAVE said that I was wrong to try to control her, and assorted other things
  • Hmm.. not sure i've asked "what can I do to make it right?", at least for a very long time. But I think its pretty clear to her I would do anything, if she actually asked me to.
  • I have told her I would try not to repeat those things, and I think i've also showed that by my actions
  • I have asked for forgiveness. Although only maybe once or twice, over the last 18 months. ick.



Anyways....Thank you for your words of encouragement


Maybe I'll try asking her again if she would forgive me.
It's tough to find a good time to do that, though. I've probably blown my quota of "R talk" for the next 3 months

Wish she'd actually come back to me as a follow-through on her "I'll think about it" statement.
Then I could ask her, without pissing her off by bringing up R talk myself.

My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle