I agree that I've gotten excellent advice here and I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I was surpised to get such nice comments from you, being a low-desire spouse, because I felt like I probably came across as a complete jerk. I'm glad however that you thought some of the things in my posts showed how much I love my wife - it makes me feel good that I can at least communicate that to someone. Now if I could only communicate it to her.
You asked how I know that she truly understands how much I'm hurting. I still don't know that she does actually, but if you'll look at the first page of this thread you'll see that I did write my wife a letter about a week ago. After finishing the letter I forgot to put away several pages of posts that I'd printed out to help me organize my thoughts - I left them sitting next to the computer. The next morning she read not only my letter but some of the posts as well. I don't know how many she read, but I'd think that in reading some of the things I've written that she probably has a much better idea of how badly I'm hurting. However, she may still not understand - I just don't know. My wife initially didn't seem overly upset that I'd been posting on a message board, but I've since gotten the impression that she is somewhat upset. She told me last night that she doesn't know anymore what's coming from me and what's coming from other people (on this post). While I admit taking advice from a lot of people on here, I've always stated (or written) only my own true feelings - never anyone else's.
I'd love it if my wife would write a letter back to me expressing her feelings and her views on how we can make things better. But I'd be really surpised if she would do that. I do know however that it would work a lot better than trying to communicate verbally. I hope that someday we'll be able to share our needs, hopes, dreams, etc. with each other verbally, but right now we're stuck in a communication rut and can't seem to dig out of it.
I'd never threaten my wife with having an affair, but I have let her know on a couple of occasions that I'm scared of feeling so undesirable that I could eventually give in to a strong enough temptation. I'm very much against having an affair, primarily due to the fact that my father had an affair and I've seen the consequences. And if I ever need any more motivation I just think of how it would affect me if my wife were to have an affair. I may be hurting badly now, but I can't even imagine how much worse it would hurt if she were to cheat on me. I have great admiration for the people on this message board who are trying to put their marriages back together after their spouse had an affair. I honestly don't think I could ever get over it.
Nonetheless, when I'm getting no affection from my wife I find myself nearly drooling over every somewhat attractive woman that I see. When things were good between us sexually, I can honestly say that I was nothing like this. It scares me! Fortunately I haven't been presented with a temptation that was too great to resist. I've certainly been tempted, but I've always been able to basically turn and run. I'm very thankful for that - I doubt my marriage would stand a chance if I'd ever given in.
I just previewed this post and realized how long it is. Sorry about that.
