She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

Things have been quiet these past couple of days. I have been detaching a bit more. I copied log files from her computer yesterday and then just had no desire to even look at them. Since before Thanksgiving I have been trying to keep myself from snooping (I know what it does to ME). This time, however, I didn't have to try at all. I just realized that I didn't WANT to look. I wasn't afraid of what I would find, I simply didn't care.

Do I care if she has rekindled with OM or if she's talking to 'friends' about dating? Yeah, I do. But I know that there's nothing I can do. What is the info going to do for me? Prepare me for the worst? Nope. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst as it is. She's told me countless times that she doesn't belong here, she doesn't love me, she doesn't WANT to love me and that a D is the only way this is going to end. If I can't prepare myself for the worst based on this, then I've got issues...

LOL

I know that her mood swing on Sunday night was because she expected to run into OM online. She wants to avoid him at all costs. Not because she's afraid of rekindling anything but because she doesn't want him to tell her that he is working on his marriage AGAIN.

"We" are currently stuck, sitting in limbo, moving in absolutely no direction. My wife is stuck, waiting for school to begin, waiting for more distraction to keep her from thinking about OM and possibly looking to jump-start her life through school and going out with girlfriends.

I am no longer stuck. I haven't had a lot of opportunity to get my own life restarted but I am doing what I can without impacting the kids too much. My W, unfortunately, disappears within the house and the kids are left without a mother. Last night she didn't even come up to say good night to them until D13 asked her (an hour after they went to bed) to come tuck them in. Even so, 15 minutes later I asked her to come up to say good night to them and finally she did. Very very sad.

So, what I've done:

• Joined the gym (still going too!!)
• Joined Habitat for Humanity (waiting for a call...)
• Started going out on my own with friends/family
• Reconnecting with old friends (still more to contact)
• Begun buying "hip" clothing (something I did when we were dating and then I looked like Crocker from Miami Vice!!)
• Bought a new cell phone - much nicer than my old one - this is something the 'old me' would never have done
• And one of my biggest triumphs, I haven't allowed her to suck me into her maelstrom of emotions

I know I have a lot more detaching to do but right now things are on a fairly even keel.

This Friday I'm going out with my BIL and W's nephew (23-ish) to the gym so BIL can show me the 'proper' way to use free weights. Afterwards we're going for wings or sushi (or as some folks on the board call it, 'bait').