It must be hard to not have contact with your S. Just continue to love him and let him know you are there for him. I think he will need a soft and safe place to land. Eventually he will realize who the sane parent is and he will come back.
Take the time to grieve this as well. Work through those feelings.
Simon, glad to see you back here ! I always wonder how you're doing and often miss your advise greatly !
I think it is positive that your wife is contacting your D...not to give you any false expectations, but it may very well be some kind of reconnection sweets !
I'm just happy to see you here ! Much Love xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Simon, It's good to see that you've posted. I want to remind you that when an individual is in crisis, they will choose one child to cling on to and make that child their own personal possession. If I recall, your w did this w/your son a while back. Therefore, he may have been "brain washed" during the absence of the entire family as a unit. Then again, at the age of 18, they don't always think about family, just having fun and their own friends. Very much like your w has been doing.
I'm glad she finally contacted your d about coming for a surprise visit. If I were you, I'd arrange my own surprise visit w/my son. After all, he is your flesh and blood too.
Please take care of yourself. And, as always, hugs to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you all for posting, it is really appreciated, especialy when I have these down days.
Snodderly, your recollection is spot on, wife did push my daughter away, then tried to reel her in. She did it again at christmas, and in the end, could not see her as she was too busy partying.
As for my son, I also think it is a bit of both, and also I think he feels he has to side or support her. He did not contact his uncle at christmas, my brother who took him on a caribean cruise, or his grandparents (my mother and father) who have shown him nothing but love over the past few years.
At the moment they are behaving just as bad as each other, and the way I feel, they can wallow in it. God it still hursts after all this time.
Then would it be too difficult to arrange your own surprise for your son?
Well, this pisses me off on your behalf. I'm not sure I'll ever get to the place where it is "okay" for major milestones in the children's lives to be individually/separately celebrated. Bleh.
Anyway, I like Alison's suggestion. YOu may of course invite whomever you'd like!
they will choose one child to cling on to and make that child their own personal possession.
I hadn't realised this was an MLC trait. A lot of things make sense to me now. My H has consistently done things for S15 and not done the same for our Ds. This has agrieved them and I have had to sort the arguements out! My tack has always been that I think H does things with D15 b/c out of all them he is the only one who will tolerate seeing OW. S15 has told us all that he doesn't really want to see OW but if it is the only way he can have some sort of R with his dad then he will put up with it. I have accepted this and to a point so have my girls. This however now makes so much more sense.
Thanks Snodderly (sorry for hijack Simon)
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Finally got the internet installed - yeah - only taken 3 months
It is approaching a year since the house was sold, and wife and son went their seperate ways. Not heard from either of them, in all that time, birthdays, christmas, son passing his driving test, turning 18 etc, all milestones passed without contact.
Daughter went to visit, took some photos, what an unhappy bunch, wife still looks awful.
Will update with what I have learnt, tomorrow when I have more time. Life is so busy !
Simon, I'm glad to see you came back to post. I'm sorry to see that things haven't improved w/the wife and the son. Yep, they are a very unhappy bunch, but they are the ones that will need to find a way to "dig" out of their mess.
Hope all is well w/you and your daughter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
