Thank you all for your comments - they've been very enlightening. Lostlove, I haven't read The Five Love Languages although I've read a summary that someone posted on this website. I may read the entire book sometime, but right now I feel like reading more books about relationships is nothing more than an exercise in futility.
In the five weeks or so since I first posted on here I've learned so much, I've changed my thinking relative to several issues, and I honestly believe that I've made changes in myself for the better. Not to say that I don't have more improving left to do. But right now I'm feeling more lonely, more hopeless, and more miserable than I've ever felt. I'm starting to understand that there's nothing I can do to convince my wife to address the intimacy issues in our relationship. I had hoped that by truly understanding how much I'm hurting she would want to make everything better. But that isn't the case - she still seems to think that I should just "get over it". I feel like I'm completely alone.
It scares me that low-desire spouses often decide to address intimacy problems only when faced with a crisis, specifically when their spouse leaves or has an affair. But I have no desire to do either of those things, and as a result I'm scared to death of being lonely and miserable for the rest of my life. I'm already to the point where I have trouble concentrating on my work, or anything else for that matter. I get teary-eyed just driving down the road. I have trouble putting on a "happy face" when I'm playing with my girls, and I worry about how that might affect them.
I don't know what to do. I've honestly enjoyed doing more things for my wife to make her life easier - and I now accept those things as being my responsibility. But I'm almost afraid to do anything for her because, as MPT said, she may think I'm "expecting sexual payment for my goodwill". There seems to be a negative side to anything I could possibly do. I wish I could just give up, but doing so won't stop the hurt. I don't know if it's possible to just give up.
I appreciate everyone's support, but I realize that you can't continue coming up with solutions to my problems. Eventually there are no more solutions. Nonetheless I'll continue reading these posts, trying to sort things out in my own mind, and praying for a miracle.
