courage...is the willingness to risk their own lives for others.
That is an apsect of some courageous acts, but it seems more directly a trait of sacrifice.
Originally Posted By: Dictionary.com
1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. 2. Obsolete. the heart as the source of emotion. 3. have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, esp. in spite of criticism.
Often there are many definitions and connotations for a word. The most accurate perhaps varies with how each person uses and defines the word.
Though the first portion of #1 above seems on track, I completely disagree that courage refers to a person who is without fear. If there is no fear there is also no need for courage. I think that courage is to act in spite of fear.
Does it not take courage to face Solomon and answer his question? Is there a lesser of two evils?
Sure, we are LBS's, so we may feel that the lesser evil would be to stay at home, unhappy, but married. Oh, that's right, we don't WANT our spouses unhappy, we want them to TRY.
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I see the departure as being bereft of any moral compass.
Moral compass calibrated by whom? Morality differs across cultures and times.
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Someone who is courageous seeks help and will have the courage to share with people close to them to get help instead of fleeing and hiding in their own little world.
What then when help is best found within their own little world?
And yet there is pressure to seek help externally. That would be acting in spite of crticism--and sometimesit is even acting against the person's own beliefs. Or how they were raised ot believe.
Midlife CRISIS is Dis-Ease, but not disease. It is not legal insanity. But lets take another example then. What of the insane? We accept that there are forces working within them that are at least momentarily greater than forces which they would adhere to in normal circumstances.Are we unable to accept the same for those who are not legally insane.
Oh, Sweetheart was pretty nuts at times. He was out of control, manic. His eyes were wild. Then he slept and woke different. He compartmentalized and continued to work. Others didn't see the extremese I witnessed. My Dad hear through the phone once and it dumbfounded him. Sweetheart's behaviour was not merely out of character. Any ADULT behaving in that manner would have been considered nuts--except that he did it only in my presence. Others noticed changes, but only got to see the full Monster.
He acted on impulse and then cycled back, trying to correct. Acting on impulse may not be courageous, perhaps there is courage in the Pockets.
And not everyone is as severely manic. For some MLCers it is a quiet desperation. And I believe it may become such for others--because it was also that for Sweetheart in other moods.
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They left children behind, not to protect the family but to seek out their own selfish desires.
There is a difference between Self-Centered and Selfish. To be centered in one's Self is to be balanced, a state of health.
To be selfish goes beyond concern for one's self. It is concern for one's Self at the expense of others--opposing sacrifice. What an irony that many MLCers are Selfish and yet also have a martyr complex.
We encourage Self-Focus in LBSs--Self-Centered. For some perhaps the process of self-centereing involves first becoming Selfish. After years of Accommodating there is a backswing.
For some to advance to the next phase of life a separation is needed--NEEDED. But our society in some ways forwns upon this. We cannot separate and reconcile again. We must completley obliterate what once was to move forward. We are aloowed to start new--new wife, family...divorce is accepted. But there is not a place for separation without divorce?
Since there is not such a place, a person may feel the only alternative is to go all the way. Turning back is certain psychological death--returning to Acommodation. Advancing into the transtional phase is also frightening. Those in Crisis seek to Avoid. For those avoiding the path is different than those Accepting. But there is still a path that propels them inward. It cannot be stopped. The Crisis person doesn't know where they are being led and yet they leap anyway--blind fools rushing in.
I wonder how our culture would handle midlife and other transitions had we specific rites of passage where we accepted these as rebirths. Would midlife be more managable if we ritualized the transition. If there were a separation phase for spouses. Im not including an affair in this...maybe if there were rituals with the trransition, there fewer would expereince it as crisis--thus alleviating the need for the OW band aid.
