Sorry for the gap.. lots of updates, so bear with me.
D5 had a horrible night.. up and down till about 0200 and then she finally slept. When she woke up, it took me an hour to get her out of bed. I had her sleep in my bed so I could calm her when she woke up. Got her laid out with her arms up and spotted the issue. The blisters had popped and she basically rubbed her underarms raw. Poor thing.
I had texted W at 8 saying that D5 was not doing well and wouldn't be a happy camper tomorrow. W finally responded at 11 with "Not good.. tell her I love her". I responded a half hour later with "Yeah.. she probably can't go to school tomorrow. You will need to call off" Didn't get a response until 6:50.. 10 minutes before W is supposed to be at work. I explained the sitch and told her she needed to come get the D's and take the day off with them. She tried to play off with "Well.. so and so gets here at 8, I'll see what I can do." No worky for me.. I told her she could let whoever was there know and to get over here. I had a work thing I needed to do and she needed to come get them.
She called back 2 minutes later and was on her way. When she got here, she couldn't believe it. I was pretty calm, but I did say something to the effect of "Shouldn't have to be dealing with this..." under my breath. Got the D's dressed (not so bad actually) and she took them home.
On the road, W called me. There was some really stupid stuff like "The TV is working right" "Well.. it's old.. probably getting ready to go out." "Thanks for giving me a crappy TV" "The DVD player doesn't work" "Did it ever work?" "Yes, but now it doesn't" "Well.. what did you do to it?" "Thanks for the crappy DVD player" Special lady.
Then we got into it. She asked why I was so angry. I blew up.. calmly. I was mad that D5 had this stuff.. her response "It's not their fault, it just happened." "BS!! They got from taking baths with his kids!!" I pulled no punches. Told her how I felt about her not calling to check on the D's. How she better start keeping her phone around in case there is an emergency.. etc etc.
Then.. after she hung up, I asked her "What do you want/expect from me?" I got the usuals "Respect, Care, help" etc. What ensued was actually a very adult mature conversation about us and our M.
It centered around respect. I basically told her that we needed to talk about this stuff then. She agreed. I told her we should talk about it now and she agreed. I told her that there were things I would tell her now that I would've never told her before. She asked what and I replied "The reasons I didn't/don't respect you. Things I didn't say because I was worried about hurting your feelings." She responded positively. I told her I didn't respect some of the things she was doing, but I do respect her. She said she understood. I said "So what now?" she replied "We need to learn to listen and respect each other for the girls." I agreed. Then I asked "What about us?" She responded "Don't push. Let's work on the respect thing first." I responded that we needed to put some things on the table. I had questions about things that would let me know where WE stand. She agreed. I told her we could do it in person or over the phone. I also told her that I had issues with working on things between us while she had a BF. She replied she understood.
So.. all in all a good convo right? I checked in throughout the day to check on the D's. On my way home, I called to talk to the D's. Guess who just showed up. OM. I told W that I didn't think it was a good idea with D5 potentially having a bad night. She said "They'll be fine." I was fit to be tied. She really should've focused on the D's. BF should've went home.
So.. I was meeting some friends and had a GREAT night out on the town. Very LATE night out on the town. Chatted with a very cute woman. Good night!!
So... W texts me "Keeping D's home again today. They did fine last night, but I'm keeping them home just in case." She texted later asking if I got her text. I replied that I did.. she also had asked about a Dr's note for D5.. I replied I'd get it to her.
Several hours later, I get a text from W... "Are you ignoring me?" I called her.. she went off.. "Thanks for the short response, why are you ignoring me? Good way to want to talk to me." I responded that I wasn't ignoring her.. I responded and I was busy. I did tell her that I was upset that OM spent the night. Talked about some other stuff, but really a positive convo after the initial onslaught.
Talked about my trip next week (Chicago, she will have D's all week." I told her I'd be back late Thursday and would like to take her and the D's to dinner Friday evening so I could see the D's (and W too.) She sounded happy with this. I did slip up and mention a restaurant that we could go to and quickly retracted. There is a woman there who I had talked to, but didn't want to see. W grilled me a bit "Why.. so woman you don't want to see with me?" I told her the sitch and she didn't believe me. Oh well... it blew over.
Then she asked what I was doing tonight. I do have a legitimate commitment tonight and I told her this. I'd be done around 9, but I had no plans afterwards. She said she was very depressed.. didn't want to talk about it, but was wondering if I'd take the girls so she could be alone. Of course you know what I thought!! She jumped in and said "I'm not going anywhere, nobody is coming over here.. you can talk to me until midnight if you'd like"
I told her I'd love to, but I did have the commitment that I couldn't get out of. I asked if she still wanted to talk.. she hemmed and hawed. Said again that she was really depressed. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she said "Not right now"
And that was that. Not sure what's happened, but something bombed after I talked to her last night. Maybe mom lit her up. Maybe OM has left her. Probably the former, but combined with R talk and her reaction today, who knows!
I'm glad your D is feeling better. It's agonizing for us parents when our kids are in pain and we can't make it better.
Your convos with W sound productive and positive. Your detachment is more important now than ever so that you don't get sucked into more dysfunction. She must be really confused--she keeps pulling away and then coming closer. Not much fun for you.
She seems to be adjusting positively to the more assertive Jarhead. You're establishing some boundaries that will be good for you and your kids no matter what happens with your M.
Mature adult conversations are very very good. I am mad she has to have OM spend the night while the girls are there. That is just so irresponsible as a mother........I hate that she makes you so angry.
Wonder if something *is* going down with her and OM?
SO glad to hear D5 is doing better. How awful for a little girl to have such a bad night, thank goodness her Daddy was there.
How do you do it? I would have been round there beating 7 bells of c#@p out of OP! (Knowing my luck it would have been the other way round - LOL).
I know how you feel, both my children are sick at the moment, but my W looks after them and is genuinely concerned. She is out tonight with friends, but if there was the slightest inclination that all was not well, she would have cancelled. Also, she has her cell with her and I know that she would rush back if she was needed.
You are soo good with your D's I fully respect that and your W is listening (though not always showing it). Keep up the good work and hopefully 2008 will continue to be good.
So.. W never called that night. Said she fell asleep at 8. I believe it.
So Friday W calls and we had a very long conversation. Mostly about her school and classes etc. It was like old times. I ran D5 to Kindergarten and decided to stop and get lunch on the way home. Passed W. She called and asked where I was going.. I said I was grabbing some lunch and she asked if I was alone to which I replied yes. She met me and we talked for a little while. She was smiling quite a bit and playing with her hair. Very flirty.
She then mentioned that her and some friends were going out Friday and Saturday night. She said the "bad" group was going out Saturday. Evidently these "friends" had a bunch of guys grabbing W's butt and gave them all her cell number. Supposedly they called and she told them to never call again. Not sure I buy all of that seeing as how she LOVES attention. She was probably eating it up.
Anyway.. so W texted me later saying she would call the D's in a half hour. Well.. as good as gold, she blew the call again. Called at 8:15 and left a VM on my phone. I waited a little and then called her back. She was at a bar.. asked if the girls were up and of course they weren't. She sounded disappointed, but must not have been too bad as I quickly got off the phone and was very short with her. Not a word the rest of the night. She said she'd call this morning.
So.. 11 rolls around and she calls. Sounds like crap. I was ready to quickly hand the phone over to the D's, but she had to talk to me about how D5's skin was etc. She asked if I was mad to which I responded "Whatever.. here's D5".
She talked to both D's. When D3 was done, I hung up the phone.
She hasn't called, texted or anything.
I took the D's to an indoor playland place and evidently one of D5's friends was having a B-day party there. That was kind of awkward (I'm wondering if we were invited, but I never got the invite) but the D's had fun.
Taking them to dinner tonight with my B and SIL. Should be fun.
W makes all these little promises and breaks them. Especially to her D's...my gosh...even at H's worse (out all night long) he still called the girls to tell them goodnight). She is just wrong. I am sorry. She knows you are miffed but you weren't generally rude to her. She deserves it from you, really she does. I think your W is still in selfish mode, wants a bit of everything (family life and single life). I see that in my H as well.
Keep living jar's life, being there for your girls. Good things will happen.
So.. add to the frustration. W never called last night. No contact from her all day since the call in the morning.
So far no call this morning.
This is the part that sucks. I'm concerned about her, but this is something she's done before. I'd hate to have something happen and it's figured out too late. You know what I mean?
So.. tomorrow I leave for Chicago for a week. I'll be dropping D's off at school early (0700) but W's schedule has changed. She doesn't come in till 0900.
To be honest, I'm not sure how to react to her now. I'm a little confused. The other day when she was depressed, she was clamoring for my attention "Why are you ignoring me" etc etc. Now, it's like she could care less.
