In Support of Strong Puppy

[fearless]

You were lacking that for some reason with Ex so he found that with someone else.

Nope. We were pretty passionate together.

For some reason, which XH is, I think, trying to figure out, he needed outside validation. Any woman who becomes close to him falls into this same trap. It wasn't just me.

My guess is your H wanted to see you become vulnerable when he acted like that

?? No when I was vulnerable - crying, etc. - he was angry with me and would yell and walk away from me.

I actually am fine with puppy behavior. My XH was almost exclusively puppy and I handled it. I don't think it was the healthiest state for him. I also know that he hated how out of control he was. But at the same time if I asked him to take control, he hated that too.

The advantage that the other women had that I (and his other Long Term relationships) did not have is distance. I was too close so I was not safe.

My point with all of this is NOT that I was perfect because I am not and was not. My point is that at some points we have to recognize that our partner's dysfunctions are not going to be fixed by us. Yes I can balance out differences of temperament, personalities, etc. by my actions. But I cannot override serious dysfunction.

IMO, that's why you and Mr. LFL are really going to be okay. Neither one of you is perfect but neither one is really dysfunctional either. yes he walked out because he was struggling with depression and yes you've had you're own drama but I think both of you are really good people who love each other. You both needed to just get in tune with yourselves and each other a bit more. Sure you'll have ups and downs but I think both of you finally are SEEING the other in the best light and that alone should do wonders for your relationship!!

That's why I wonder if Karen's H is so different. I wonder if he doesn't have some somewhat severe dysfunction - homosexuality (which is a dysfunction in a hetero relationship!!), etc. I believe her when she states all she has tried especially because her context is not that she tried everything and is leaving. She feels she's tried everything and yet she intends to stay. So in the end she still won't give up which I admire!!