Good job on taking control of the finances. Now rather than it being an all or nothing proposition, you and your W can negotiate a fair arrangement. This will be a win-win over the long term because it will force her to learn about finances and budgets--so, if you do reconcile, she will have a better understanding of the pressures facing you.
I want to compliment you on your attention to you kids. You seem to be focused on making the limited time you have with them positive and meaningful. Is that a positive outgrowth of this situation, or has it always been that way?
I think what Running has been trying to communicate to you is that your wife is going to do what she is going to do. Although you want desperately to "fix" the marriage, you can't. You can only fix you and the problems that you brought to the marriage. She may notice, she may not. She may be so bitter at this point that you have to go through with the divorce to even be friends. You have no control over any of that. The only thing you can "fix" is you. Trying to show her what you have changed is pointless. Change for the sake of improving yourself. The person you become may be someone who interests her...or not. Even so, the person you become will be someone your kids are proud of.
