All great advice! Ive been thinking a lot about my relationship patterns lately. Ive actually been down this road before. Its what led me to NMMNG. When I meet an attractive woman that I would consider out of my league I overdo the nice things because thats what I think she wants and thats what I think will make her love me and keep her in love with me. Its all great in the beginning but then it goes into a pattern like this. Its all based on my childhood conditioning and my own self esteem issues that I have had all my life. The NMMNG book really hit home. The give to get, the covert contracts, the issues ive had with women in the past, etc. To answer Anns questions. My list of things ive done or should do 1. Stop the expectations 2. Let her know when shes hurt me instead of bottling it up and becoming resentful and using it for ammunition in a fight. 3. Not take her moods, anger, ugliness personally. 4. LISTEN and not think about what im going to say next or how she'd being a hypocrite. 5. Let go of all the grudges/things shes done that have hurt me. 6. When shes being ugly and snide to me not to get ugly back. It only makes it worse. The response "I dont know who you are when you talk to me like that" seems like a good thing to try. 7. To be more receptive of her wants/needs, even if she cant express them clearly. 8. Workout more and get back in shape. 9. Become passionate about something again instead of indifferent and easy-going about everything. 10. Set long term goals together.
As for the drinking, I wouldnt say I need to drink to enjoy myself. I would say that it is NOT contributing anything good to the R, though. AT this point I think anything that doesnt contribute anything good to the R shouldnt be done. It has become a problem in our R, or I should say it has caused problems in our R. Right now I want to do things that make us better and stop the things that dont.
